The US Election Rant (Rant #4)

Quick Note

Hey everyone!

First of all, just a little disclaimer: as much as I hate Clinton, Trump is probably just as bad. Sorry if you don’t share that opinion. It’s just my take on it. Please take note that I’m not “pro” either one. And I use that view in this post. So, if you’re sensitive to this topic, you might not like this.

Now, let’s get right into the post!

The Situation

Magikarp–erherm, Trump Wins.

So, as I’m sure you guys know, (unless you’ve been living under a rock) last night was the US Election. And the results? Spoiler alert: Donald Trump won. So, basically, by late January next year, we’ll have a politically-motivated Magikarp running one of the most powerful nations in the world. And trust me, this Magikarp ‘aint gonna evolve into a Gyarados anytime soon.

Against All Odds

Leading up to the election, everybody – and I mean everybody – thought that it would be an easy victory for Clinton. Heaps of celebrities were jumping aboard the Clinton train… which made it quite spectacular when, out of nowhere, along came the outlaw Donald J. Trump to derail that train.

Fun fact: no sensible, no-nonsense celebrities really ended up backing either side. Which proves their sensibleness.

The Reaction

Here’s the Scene…

Clinton is winning. Left-wing media and celebrities are all like:
“Yeah boi, we got dis thing. #hillary #socialjustice #fairytalecrap”
And it was all good; albeit, the race was a bit closer than they thought it would be.

And then it happened.

Trump forged ahead. First, little or no reaction. Our saviour Clinton will save us from the satanic dragon that is Trump. Then, more votes went Trump’s way. Then more. And more. And even more, until the lead was well and truly established. There were a few moments where it looked like maybe, just maybe Clinton can make a comeback.

That never happened. Donald Trump was soon proclaimed victorious – to the jubilant cries of triumph from his supporters, and the devastated screams of his opponents.

The Land of Laugh-A-Lot… or Cry-A-River

So, Twitter kinda exploded.

Take, for example this reaction from award-winning author and internationally disrespected nightmare-weaver Stephen King (aka that scary clown dude):

“No more book recommendations, politics, or amusing dog pictures for the immediate future. I’m shutting down.”

Eloquent, yet meaningful. I mean, how can we do without Stephen King’s book recommendations, amirite bruv?? Unlike this post from Rashida Jones, who is apparently an actress (sorry Rashida, didn’t quite recognise you o.o plz don’t send a lynch mob plz thx):

“I want to quit life.”

Onya, Rashida! Promoting suicide over democracy. Real good role model for the kiddies.

These, of course, are not the best reactions of the night/morning/day/afternoon… (woohoo inclusion of timezones!) THOSE reactions came from the non-celebrities. I don’t have the energy to trawl through posts from last night (because there’s are still hundreds coming in) but from what I did see last night, this is basically the gist of them all:

“Oh my gosh, this is so bad. America is so racist, xenophobic, homophobic, claustrophobic, arachnophobia, etc. I hate my country let’s burn some flags cos that totally makes us look good #screwmurica #notmypresident #democracyisfake #rigged #trumpishitler #hashtagseverywhere”

The Trump supporters, however… heh. This is the gist of their posts:

“GOD BLESS ‘MURICA WOOHOO LET’S BUILD A WALL CLINTON LOST HARHARDEHAR  *insert racist joke* *insert sexist joke*#donald #trump #donaldtrump #notracistiswear #hitlerdidntexist #heiltrump #trolol”

Smashing Job, Old Chap!

So, naturally, as every good child does when more people disagree with your opinion than agree, a lot of young people took to the streets. And smashed a lot of stuff in some places.

Look, I’m all for smashing up stuff. It’s fun, right? It’s just feels good. But…

I don’t know. The way people have their riots over everything these days seems a little bit ridiculous. Really.

Something I find ironic is that when Trump was like “eh I might not be okay with the results” at the 3rd debate, everybody freaked out. And now there are literally people, the same people who freaked out about Magikarp Trump saying he wouldn’t accept the result, running around and crying about the results of the election. Geez, hypocritical much?

The Aftermath

What’s Gonna Happen?!

So, what’s gonna happen? Honestly, it’s way too soon for anyone to say. Most people are saying things like “OH MY GOSH THERE’S GOING TO BE AN ANNUAL PURGE AND AN ANNUAL HUNGER GAMES AND AN ANNUAL BATTLE ROYALE AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.” But, to be fair, it’s too soon to even say that… although I’m not saying that poop’s not going to hit the fan.

Gay Marriage and Stuff

One of the main fears everybody has about Trump is that he’ll repeal the Gay Marriage laws. There’s a few simple reasons that it is very probable that this won’t happen:

• Repealing something as historical as this would be political suicide.
• There will literally be a bloody revolution. People are going to riot. They were already rioting as soon as the results were announced – he hasn’t even done anything as president yet.
• Scumming a small loan of a million dollars off your Dad does require quite a bit of intellect… so I think he’ll figure that doing something extremely stupid will not help him in any way. At all.

In Conclusion

In My Opinion…

…why the hell was the choice narrowed down to these two? Seriously!!

Who I Would Have Voted

Harambe. Or Kanye.

_________________________________________________

My apologies, folks. This post wasn’t quite the, erherm, educated, well thought out New York Times post. It was kind of me just mucking around. Havin’ a laugh at the expense of the entire world. Me being a bit of a dog. So sorry. (But I must admit it was a lot of fun)

So, yeah guys. That’s it. I’ve put my 2 cents worth into the suicidal, homicidal, genocidal, slot machine that is the internet. (Pssst, it’s a wrestling reference.) What do you guys think? Go ahead and tell us in the comments below!

That’s all for now, guys. Sorry for not posting in a while; I’m going to try and be a bit more regular from now on – no promises, though. I’ll see you all later!

From your politically dumb buddy,
Thomas “The Mad Writer” McKenna